Mariya (0nce) wrote,
Mariya
0nce

A thing I learned this week:

My body is not invincible, and is not as tough/indestructible/sturdy as I think. Being 1 of 2 transporters of a large wooden desk down two flights of stairs in Williamsburg and up one flight in Morris Park taught me that A) the initial extremely uncomfortable pressure in my back is not actually a sign that I will explode/become paralyzed in a 24-hour time period, and B) there are way more muscles in my back and shoulders than I was ever before conscious of.

Ow.

The bright sides of now:

I have a magnetic white board, and I know how to use it (presumably), (even though I may not quite have a plan for how to make it adhere to the wall).

Speaking of walls, we will be living in a glorious apartment off-campus. It has many walls (way more space than I ever thought I'd want). Definitely out of my comfort zone in some respects, but fundamentally, as part of a moving into a more-or-less "adult"/"respectable" home setting, doesn't feel like an unnatural step for me/us.

The white board will help make it a little more real/accessible. As will Christmas lights in August.

Cannot wrap my head around the fact that medschool starts on Monday morning. Excited and anxious. My head is teeming with ideas about how to really get it together this year (learning things! caring for people! being an intellectual and emotional sponge!), and with fears (social -- being one of the, like, 3% of students living off-campus, combined with being awkward -- Orientation panic! academic -- should I have taken the summer biochem class? can I focus well enough after having been out of school for more than a year!? logistical -- how will I get my refund after tuition has been magically taken out of my oodles of loans? how will I prove that I don't need Einstein health insurance without appropriate documentation? what if realize that I can't pay my bills? what if I lose/forget my apartment keys!? stupid -- what if I gain weight? what if I get depressed to the point of not being able to keep up? how do I care for my (now quite angry) nose piercing in the absence of time/comfort? how the hell do I magically become less awkward in all ways, more confident in all ways, more helpful in all ways?)

For now, I will take refuge in juvenile excitement about trivial things and material objects. It is both comforting and scary to be as physically exhausted as I am now -- on the one hand, I cannot imagine making myself do anything aside from trying to stay upright long enough to finish typing this entry, and o the other hand, it feels absurd to start an intense year having had such a draining summer and physically trying week.
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